I still have not spoken to HIM. I finally tried to listen to the voicemails, but I just hit delete everytime I heard "Baby please...."
Here are some questions that I want answered and I highly doubt at this point he'll give them to me:
1- If he is begging and pleading for me to talk to him now...how come he couldn't drop his phone call and come after me as I was storming out of his place.
2- Who went to the lounge with him. Was it the first time, how many others are there, were there.
3- Why do I have to call my man before going over
Anyway, I still need some space from him. I'm pretty sure that I am done with him. but damn, I love him to the point where it hurts. This is not going to be easy.
I made an appointment for tomorrow to go get tested for every STD known to man. Exactly how I want to spend my lunch break.
And as pissed off and hurt I am...I just want to be comforted in his arms. Made me realize that all the while we were together, I've always just craved that affection. To be wrapped up in his arms feeling safe and secure. but he couldn't even do that.
I bought every single snickers bar in the vending machine.
It's going to be a long day.
4 comments:
i know the testing was tough. i did the same exact thing.
i have been thinking a lot about you, and all what i have read here. i think there are some possibilities:
1) he has a problem, some kind of flirt-problem. maybe he is hooked on something? maybe he could open his mind and heart and you could make your relationship more sincere?
2)he is an absolute asshole, and has been cheating you with other women?
but the thing, it seems he likes to flirt with different women, we don't know to what extent. maybe it's just virtual, or maybe not. but it seems it's something plural, it seems he does not have a real and significant other relationship. it's not the easy case of a mistress.
maybe it's that bad than he has sexual meetings with women that don't represent anything to him, and at the same time has a conservative view of what a serious relationship must be, because he doesn't give you very much freedom, but he's jealous about his space, he establishes 'his rules'. that's why i think maybe he has a problem of sex addiction. because i find so dishonest to treat you with love in the weekends and doing this to you, that i think it cannot exist.
but maybe i'm so naive, but i'm astonished.
anyway, it's good you are furious, this is better than desolated. sooner or later you must listen to him, listen to his reasons, he must be sincere. don't accept any strange or illogical explanation. you must know everything, he must be sincere. if there is a way to face it together ok, if it's just harm, better to stop. don't think of any of your insecurities, you have the RIGHT to be as inquisitive or as hard as you feel. don't analyze yourself. this is not because of you.
after all this reading i feel you have a very low self-esteem (i understand you so well) you question yourself all the time, you have scars that close wounds that are bad healed. unfortunately there is no man that can heal you. only you can love you in this way. only in you you can find the love of somebody who always will be by your side.
i appreciate your words, and will stay here reading. i very much hope you will feel better soon.
i would like to add your blog to my list of links if that is totally ok with you. feel free to say no in case.
all my best...
how the hell are your virtual gal pals supposed to give you advice when you disappear for 5 days??? wtf? WE DEMAND AN UPDATE IMMEDIATELY!
hugs. xoxox
now hurry up and write goddammit :-)
Im here!! Sorry gals, I went away for a few days. Thankyou for the support though.
And Sophie, you can definitely post my blog on yours, that's absolutely fine by me!!
Post a Comment